


Human Error

by ClumsySquirrelIsMe



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, art connect hyungwonho, bottom line enjoy the ride with dark themed fic hyungwonho, but hyungwonho is THE shit, changkyun kihyun and hyunwoo are science students, depiction of depression and anxiety, feelings on drawings and art, hoseok and hyungwon sucker for art, hoseok calm the war, hoseok is bae, hoseok is hyungwon gay fantasy, hoseok is suffering with depression, hoseok is the epitome of beautiful soul, hoseok is the sky and ocean, hoseok let out his feelings through art and poetry, hoseok love physical contacts, hoseok the honor student in science stream, hyungwon and hoseok support each other, hyungwon have war in his head, hyungwon is fucking beautiful, hyungwon is made of nerve wreck, hyungwon is the art student, hyungwon is the epitome of dark sky, hyungwon love hoseoks drawings, hyungwon love sky and ocean, hyungwon need affirmation through physical contact, hyungwon pour his heart on paintings and writings, hyungwon suffer from anxiety, jooheon lets get it, jooheon minhyuk are art student, life is shit, minhyuk is gay for hyunwoo, ocean is the shit here too, pain create the art, people love to stare at hyungwon, school fic with hyungwonho, the void is real, this could be fluff and angst at the same time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-04-24 15:46:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14358603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClumsySquirrelIsMe/pseuds/ClumsySquirrelIsMe
Summary: "Hidden within those drawings, words and poems, lies his real self and raw emotions that he will never let world see"





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with Hyungwonho; this time this fic will depicts depression and anxiety. So the emotional rollercoaster ride might go 360° for me and you.
> 
> I hope we'll see the end of this fic together and that you acknowledge the fact the you are not alone and things like this, are valid part of human you.

> _"Why on the neck?"_
> 
>  

He looked up, staring at the other man neck before grazing it with his fingers, looking ever-so-lovingly towards him.

His eyes are like the ocean on cloudy days and there's always something so beautiful yet so heartbreaking about it but he couldn't pinpoint what it was. He wanted to be the one to read all the stories pent up inside.

 

_"Because it couldn't be seen at all... How these things are the one suffocating me to the edges. I never wished for it to be seen, they are all silent killers of mine"_ he smile bitterly, hands still on the other man neck.  _"You have them too, I can feel them. But the words are much different than those tainted on mine"_  he adds.

 

_"As long as you can feel them that's all that matter... Please save me when they tried to knocked the living daylight out of me"_

 

The smile fade and come back again, even more sad than it already was seconds ago.

_"I'll try, I don't want you to be drowning with me..."_

 

•••


	2. 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's much easier to lie...

If there's one thing Hyungwon hated the most, it will be having to engage in social situations forcing him to be around a lot of people, apart from having to part with his comfy bed.

He glance to his side and be greeted by the boyish grin of his friend, Lee Minhyuk. Minhyuk is the epitome of happiness and positivity. In contrast with Hyungwon, who is dark sky, chaos and negativity. But the two of them understand each other regardless, making the two one of the odd duo in their university ground.

"Can I please leave? I don't want to be here" Hyungwon quietly questioned and stating his discomfort, leaning closer to Minhyuk so his other friend didn't have to react to him being all uncomfortable.

"Hyungwon, I will be done in a few. Hyunwoo and I have to finish this, I know you're uncomfortable..." Minhyuk closed his eyes, as if to hold himself together from saying anything hurtful to Hyungwon.

"I'll wait for you somewhere else. Preferably upstairs. Where theres less people" Hyungwon utter, putting his sketchbook and some reference pictures he had into the files, gathering his stuffs in his arms.

"Go, I'll get you when I'm done here" Minhyuk patted the latter, seeing him disappear into the second floor of the library.

"I'm sorry If I make him uncomfortable or anything, I can't help but stare at him" Hyunwoo speaks without making any eye contact as soon as Hyungwon leave the two of them alone.

"You didn't, he's just usually like that. Nothing you should be sorry for" Minhyuk smile reassuringly before they get back to finishing the task in hands.

Hyungwon walk up the stairs, feeling the sense of comforts creeping back at him. He knew the library well enough, he knew where there will be less people around and where there usually the opposite of it.

He walk towards his usual spot, among the bookshelves, he run his hand against the books. The smell of books piercing through his senses, the feeling of the books under his fingertips. It always get to him, calming his nerves.

He walked towards the end, sitting down against the big window overlooking their school ground. The curtains gives him just the right lighting for him to draw in peace. He feels like home, the silence and the tranquility provided to him calm the war in his head.

As Hyungwon leaned back, he finally saw it. A small book as his hand brushed against it. He turned to his side, putting down his stuffs, he fixed his attention on the book or rather as he hold it, its actually a small sketchbook.

Not a lot of people tend to sit on the spot he usually does, he opened the sketchbook and be greeted with soft warning of;

_**Careful as you rip the pages open, please do rip me gently... and I'm not responsible for what you'll see inside. - S.H** _

Hyungwon can't help the smile spreading on his face.

He knew what the sketchbook all about before he even opened it. Having done it before, since he himself, being the art student sometimes, he did this warning kind of thing when he didn't want whoever it was to look inside or be shocked on what's the sketchbook contained. 

"Must be some not safe for work kind of stuffs then... Lets bet its yaoi shits by some girls" He muttered as he flip the page and be greeted with something entirely different.

His hands run against the paper, where the pencils had left its marks. The smile on his face fades away as he reads all the drawings.

He can feel the bile rising in him, his heartbeat taking its pace. Hyungwon is scared, no, he can't really describe the surges of emotions within him. As if the war started a new battle.

He couldn't stop as he flip the pages some more, reading all the hidden messages the drawings have. Everything is filled with the void-as he like to call it-

Everything is wounded, bruised and bloody mess. Whomever it is, Hyungwon feel like he just read the person soul. Something he shouldn't when the soul is raw and in the state it is right now.

One thing that he noticed, even the drawings are severed one way or another; some of it are covered through with bandages and band-aids. As if the artist, wanted to compensate the hurtings in the drawings by covering it.

Which Hyungwon come to disagree at some point, he wanted to know. The owner of the sketchbook, he never seen the sketchbook before, not anyone from the art stream student have such style. Hyungwon knew, he acknowledge and have seen the other art students styles and stuffs.

_You love it Hyungwon. This kind of drawings always hit home with you wasn't it?_

Hyungwon keep looking through the pages; reading more and more. Everything so vulnerable and broken, Hyungwon wanted to comforts the artist, asked the person the motifs behind all the drawings. If everything is purely emotions or just art style preferences but he can bet it'll be first one for this.

"What's going on with you..." Hyungwon muttered, he feels like drowning this time. Like the ocean keeps on pulling him down, he closed the sketchbook.

Hyungwon robbed of speech, the war is getting intense. He needs to calm down his racing heart. 

_I shouldn't have looked inside, thats someone soul right there. And you just looked inside Hyungwon, what is wrong with you? Now how you're going to deal with all the readings when you see the artist?_

Hyungwon put aside the sketchbook and look out the window, hoping the view will at least calm him down. Hoping the sun rays washed away his memories of the sketchbook. Closing his eyes, Hyungwon tried to erase all the drawings from his mind until he's interrupted by sound of approaching footsteps.

_Fuck please don't be the artist. Please, no, I'm not ready to see the broken soul in real life. One that is more broken than me._

Hyungwon remained closing his eyes until he can feel the soft tap on his left shoulder. His eyes flail open and he turned to the person on his left.

He was greeted by someone he never expect to approach him.

_Shin Hoseok?_

"Uh, I'm sorry to disturb your peaceful isolation but did you happen to saw small book lying around here? I remember I kind of left it here" he quietly asked, beautiful smile inch on his face.

Hyungwon heart dropped and he feels like someone is stepping and throwing it against the wall right this moment. Hyungwon discreetly pushed the book closer to him, out of the latter sight.

Hyungwon straighten up, brushing his hair back. "I'm sorry, I don't think so. But I'll let you know when I saw it?" Hyungwon utter, he can feel his voice almost failed him. He wanted to conforts the void that is in front of him.

The worries furrowed on the latter face, he sigh audibly. Hyungwon can feel the cracks widened despite everything, like the bandages, he covered it with sweet smile.

"Well, do tell me then when you found it?" Hoseok grinned, patting his shoulder before getting back on his feet.

Hoseok walked away but only steps away Hyungwon can't help the guilt eating him up. "Hey Hoseok" He shouted, loud enough for Hoseok to stop on his track and look back to him. 

"Hm?"

Hyungwon pretend to look around and raised the small sketchbook for the latter to see. "Found it"

Only then, the genuine smile spread on his face. Hoseok almost run back at him, crouching beside Hyungwon as he took the small sketchbook.

Hyungwon hoped for the latter to leave him and not investigate if he ever saw whats inside. "I was about to look around and didn't even realise it was behind me, covered by my own stuffs. Sorry about that" Hyungwon lied, "Whats that actually?" He mustered up his courage to ask though the rule-of-dont-pry on other human exist for him.

Hoseok smile as he sit back, beside Hyungwon.

_Hes trying to cover the cracks Hyungwon, you should stop asking him! You dumbass, the pry rules. Why you disobey that now._

"It's fine, you don't have to explain yourself. As long as you have it now, that's all matters right?" Hyungwon quick to say it out, giving more space between them.

"Whats your name?" He asked so suddenly and the thoughts raced through Hyungwon mind.

 _Why my name? Why in the world he wanted to know? Hyungwon you know his name_ _though_ _. This is normal, social interaction. Exchanging names is okay. You wouldn't die from it._

"Hyungwon, Chae Hyungwon" Hyungwon utter, looking away from the beautiful being beside him.

"Hyungwon, Its actually a sketchbook" Hoseok simply answer, staring at Hyungwon while the latter refused to make the eye contact.

"But you're not part of the art stream student right? For as long as I know, you're famous in the science department. Didn't know you draw too" Hyungwon tried to distract himself from the slideshow of Hoseok drawings in his mind, picking up his pencil again. 

Hoseok chuckles, "I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable Hyungwon, but yes, I draw a lot. But its all personal and mostly just hobby I did to distract myself"

Hyungwon fight through and spare a look at Hoseok.  _Epitome of a beautiful soul, though broken, hes still beautiful._ Thats how Hyungwon would describe Hoseok at the moment.

"You didn't, talking with you feel like the midnight walk, quite terrifying yet so calming... I need it" Hyungwon blurts, he wanted to touch him. Those eyes, he wanted to be first to read it all.

"I hope you're not attracted by the void you saw in me Hyungwon. I know you noticed that" Hoseok said so quietly he almost missed it.

_Pretend you didn't hear anything Hyungwon, fuck, is he a mind reader now? Or you're just so easy to read. Look away now;_

"Well, I hope to see you around? And I hope you'll be careful with your sketchbook there. Thankfully the librarian didn't do their routine rounds yet" Hyungwon spat, drawing small sketches on his sketchbook as he look away from the latter.

"Well, I hope to see you around too Hyungwon. Do greets me or anything when you saw me okay? I would love to talk to you more. I hope we could be friends" Hoseok gets on his feet, but he stays on the spot for seconds.

Before he lean down and Hyungwon could hear the tearing of paper beside him. His heart pacing up and he wanted to look up so badly but he fight the urges.

"Hoseok, are you okay?" he asked, eyes still on his sketchbook.

"I'm okay though I'm not sure why you ask but thank you Hyungwon" he simply reply and leave folded paper on Hyungwon sketchbook therefore stopping the latter from drawing.

Hoseok walked away without any further words. Hyungwon eyes tailed him until hes out of his sight.

Hyungwon finally let out a deep breath, leaning against the shelves. Closing his eyes to calm his nerves down. Communication is never his forte, he rather express his feelings through his drawings or simply words. No eye contact needed, no human interaction at all.

_What just happened? Hoseok is so broken, you witness it and even read his soul on a plate and you're here having some existential dread Hyungwon. Get a grip of yourself._

Hyungwon looked over the folded paper and opened it up. The ocean is pulling him even deeper with it. And he wished he can find the beautiful soul somewhere there which probably floating along the waves like him.

He couldn't help but wonder if Hoseok going to draw something new out of their meetings today.

"Hey, I'm done. You're okay to go Hyungwon?" Minhyuk asked as he break Hyungwon from his reverie.

Hyungwon looked up and the sun sure does shine bright in Minhyuk world. "Yeah, lets go" Hyungwon gathered his stuffs and went down with Minhyuk.

He lost the feels to draw that day, he yearn to read more of the others drawings than indulge in creating art itself.

Hyungwon walked passed other students on the first floor and he recognise his voice. Laughing aloud with his study friends.

 _Thats the bandages, the band aids and sutures. Compensation for the hurtings._ _You've seen too much of his soul._

Hyungwon glance over his shoulder and meet eyes with Hoseok as soon as he gaze up to him.

_'Yes Hoseok, like you said, it's easier to lie'_

•••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming here and reading this if you are. I appreciate the time you spent reading another story of mine, it means a lot as it also have monsta x in it... The theme pretty sensitive but I would want to give it a try. Its almost-a-based-on-true-story ♡ 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for giving it much love, be it just reading this, kudos or comment. Feel free to talk to me on my twitter or wattpad.


	3. 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause maybe, maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me and I'll be the one to save you.

It's been days since their last meeting and the drawings really affected Hyungwon to the point he lose sleep. He avoided the path where he assume he will meet Hoseok because he's afraid of himself, of the things he wanted to offer to the latter just so he can soothe the void.

He wanted to see more, its like a newly developed addiction. All the drawings keep on passing his thoughts every now and then. Every time it happened, Hyungwon can't help but feel like he's drowning again.

Hyungwon wanted to know if theres another bruised or wounded body parts on a new page in the small sketchbook. If there is, he wanted to be the bandages. That only if Hoseok would let him.

He wanted to drown with Hoseok but at the same time he wanted to be the one to save him. It hurts but part of Hyungwon love it.

_Hyungwon, you're such a sick fuck masochist._

Hyungwon shake off the thoughts, doing immediate breathing practice to calm down his thoughts and nerves.

"Did you know Shin Hoseok, Min?" Hyungwon questioned while focusing his attention on his paintings.

Minhyuk shots the latter a look, narrowing his eyes. "Shin Hoseok? Why does he concern you now?"

"Nothing, I'm just interested at him. Did you see him? That boy comes straight out of my gay fantasy" Hyungwon joked, letting out soft laugh but Minhyuk knew something was up from the interaction alone.

"Did anything happened between the two of you?"

Hyungwon wanted to tell Minhyuk everything but he knew better; so he shake his head in denial. Hyungwon wanted their meeting to be exclusively he's.

"Nothing, I saw him a lot when I passed by the biology lab. Damn I wish him to be my model sometimes"

"Asking the real question, why are you passing by the biology lab? When you're not even part of the science stream student Hyungwon?" Minhyuk challenge, putting down his brush as he turned around to stare at Hyungwon.

Hyungwon clearly sighed audibly, "Man can dream but certainly we spend most of our time at the library whenever you went to finish your homeworks with Hyunwoo. The nearest toilet is the one on the biology department. The toilet there is much cleaner so I prefer going through the hassle just for that" he reasoned out, Minhyuk nodded in acknowledgement but not yet satisfied to drop the whole topic.

"But yeah, I know Shin Hoseok, heck who don't? Even you know him"

"Is there something I'm missing there? So what if I know him?" Hyungwon clicked his tongue, knowing well the sarcasm in Minhyuk words.

_Cause you're such antisocial being Hyungwon, that's just how famous Hoseok is. Even the one who stays in the shadow know him. But you know him better._ _Way better than all those people._

"I'm just saying, go for it. Go pursue him even though he's like in everyone list here, just don't jump him. Let me know if anything" Minhyuk turned back on his painting and Hyungwon knew that the latter smile as he utter those words for him.

Hyungwon gets on his feet and went to Minhyuk side. "Min you know I love you right?" Hyungwon chuckles as he wrapped his arms around Minhyuk from behind. Pulling him towards his body.

"I fucking knew since the beginning. You need me Hyungwon, I need you too. But too bad I'm already gay for Hyunwoo" Minhyuk laughs back, head resting against Hyungwon shoulder.

Hyungwon loves it when Minhyuk laugh, it remind him that happiness does exists and sometimes it helps tone down the war within him. Music to his ears.

"Just don't forget me Min when you get Hyunwoo ass" Hyungwon said quietly, tightening his arms around Minhyuk.

"You and your insecure ass, really, I wouldn't leave you Hyungwon, like ever? Just don't tell me to fuck off cause I would leave you and come back again until you take back those words" Minhyuk smile, placing his hands against Hyungwon's. Gently rubbing his thumb against his hands.

"I'm just scared. Please tell me if I annoyed you or anything okay?" Hyungwon leaned his head against Minhyuk. Physical touch is definitely his way of conveying his feelings apart from words and drawings.

"You never annoyed me Hyungwon, heck, just annoyed me. I'll still be here. You can't get rid of me that easily. This is Lee Minhyuk"

"Yeah, my sunshine. I really love you Min but I also don't want to put my dick in you so; thats beside the point" Hyungwon blurts, laughing afterwards trying to make sense of his words. "Okay that's sound so weird but whatever, point taken. I love you" he quickly adds.

"I swear you make me go confused sometimes, you're weird and I love it. But thank you, maybe someday. This ass is too fabulous for you. I love you though"

"I swear you two have some gay shit going on there" another voice chime in and Hyungwon let go of Minhyuk and turned around to face the other man.

"Too bad, want to join us though Jooheon?" Hyungwon jeer, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jooheon obviously display his disgust and frantically shake his head. "I'm good, really, its enough with you two. Please don't jump me" he spat, keeping his distance.

Minhyuk and Hyungwon can't help but laughed out loud. "You're so cute Jooheon seriously, I can promise that I won't jump you. I don't know about Min though" Hyungwon amble back towards his seat and pick up his brush.

"I will try not to," Min batted his eyelashes towards Jooheon and the latter only look away. "Why are you here though? You finish your paintings already the other day"

Jooheon took the empty seat beside Hyungwon, observing the painting Hyungwon currently working on. "I have free period and I'm bored, I enjoy your company. Since Changkyun is in his science class currently."

"Only needed when Changkyun is gone, how sad" Minhyuk mutter but the other two can clearly hear him.

Minhyuk despite being the sunshine of this world, hes one of the mischievous being Hyungwon ever met. Jooheon is one of the top-listed victim he love to terror.

"Why you still befriend him Hyungwon?" Jooheon shake his head while glancing at Minhyuk.

"Again, my whole existence scream fabulous and awesomeness; we need each other to continue living in this void-filled world" Minhyuk intervene, winking at Jooheon.

"Enough of that, I love you both so please don't worry about that. But Jooheon, do you have your camera with you?" Hyungwon asked and Jooheon immediately looked through his backpack.

"Have them here, why? You want to borrow again?" Jooheon took out his dslr and extended it towards Hyungwon.

"Thank you my angel, I will use them well. I need more reference pictures" Hyungwon took the camera and put them into his own bag.

"Internet exists for reasons" Minhyuk jeer and Hyungwon can't help but rolled his eyes in response.

"Apparently internet doesn't have the shit I want and not in angle I wish it was view. Genuine references makes my paintings more valuable don't you think? Also, I don't have to deal with copyright stuffs" Hyungwon explained and Jooheon nodded in acknowledgement.

"If you're going to take pictures of the flowers I recommend the one at the rooftop near the library, the biology department deserted small garden. The view there is fine too, its a place you will actually love" Jooheon blurts and Minhyuk clears his throat in response.

"Someone going to be filled with elation going there. Just don't let the elephant run too wild until you can't hear a thing" Minhyuk remind, eyes focused on the paintings.

Hyungwon take deep breaths before packing his stuffs, "Thank you heony, I will get back to you after I use them. And now, I need to attend my next class. I'll check the place after that then. Thanks for the advice Min! Texts me later please"

Hyungwon bid his goodbye and left the studio.

"You know, Hyungwon really love drawing ocean, see this? He's drawing an ocean inside a person. I'm not sure why he bothered taking pictures at all when he mostly prefer this" Jooheon commented as he had been observing Hyungwon unfinished painting.

"Thats his personal preferences and Hyungwon love hiding his emotions on his paintings. It just need certain people to understand and he also like taking pictures because it distracts him from the ocean and doing just for the sake of it. Even he didn't know when he'll used that pictures he took" Minhyuk babble before putting down his brushes. "Well, enough of that. Lets go get something to eat? I'm starving"

Jooheon face lit up from being all confused seconds ago and agreed almost immediately to the offer. The two left the studio and Minhyuk gives one last glance at Hyungwon painting.

_"Let me pull you out Hyungwon..."_

 

•••

 

_Why the ocean? Sometimes he questioned himself why he loves painting the ocean so much._ _Also the galaxies and flowers._

 

_The ocean gives him the tranquility he yearn for, How its so beautiful yet so terrifying at the same time._ _The galaxies gives him the sense of infinity. How it never failed to mesmerise him, the stars so out of reach yet still beautiful whereas for the flowers, they could convey the message he wanted to deliver without the use of words._

 

_Its always a wonder how all these beautiful things can turn their back against him and become something he dread the most in a matter of time._

 

_He have seen it, how the ocean keep pulling him down. Drowning him and numbing his senses while the vastness of the galaxy makes him believe that hes just a speck of dust and he doesn't have any value, worthless at some point and whatever he do, whatever his thoughts won't matter anyway and nobody will care for him. Lastly, the flowers symbolised his vulnerability._

 

_Hyungwon always hoped that nobody will see through his soul even though he choose to pour everything out on his paintings and drawings. But Minhyuk does, Minhyuk knew and it scare him sometimes. He doesn't want anyone to pass through the wall he had built._

 

_Thats what Hoseok must have felt right? if he knew you have seen his soul? And you yearn for it shamelessly despite that. How tragic, another broken soul want another broken one. Life has consequences Hyungwon, reality exists and not everything is free._

 

Hyungwon brushed away his thoughts as he had been doodling the whole time in his class only to realised he had been drawing one of the sketches Hoseok did. 

 

But it was incorporated with his element, the ocean for that matter. The neck, half filled with water while it was bandaged around the neck. _Compensation_ , he had assumed it. 

 

Hyungwon sighed as he move the paper away, trying to pay attention on the class. 

 

_Maybe you should give that to Hoseok, he would appreciate it more than the world do, right?_

 

Hyungwon can't help but smile at his thought, he scribble one of the poem he love on it and fold the paper neatly before putting them in his folder. 

 

_But what if he found out from that you have seen his sketches? Have seen the most personal part of him? He would hate you Hyungwon, don't make yourself more worthless like that._

 

Hyungwon never failed himself in turning his thoughts into something else. The war never really tire down within him and it makes him exhausted just letting it all filled his senses. 

 

The class ended with Hyungwon having more useless battle with his own thoughts despite having the urge to just sleep through the class. 

 

Stepping out of the class, Hyungwon noticed how the students whom passed by will stare at him like he's some kind of rare human in the world. 

 

_That explains why you hate the crowd so much Hyungwon._

 

He walked towards the opposite direction, looking over his phone as Minhyuk inform him that he will be at the studio. 

 

Hyungwon wanted to check the so-called deserted garden of the biology department. "The garden better have nice flowers and views" 

 

Increasing his pace, Hyungwon walked towards the steps leading towards the small garden. And the number of students passing by getting less and lesser, the comforts are creeping up on him again. 

 

Being around a lot of people make him uncomfortable, he rather be alone and be in his own zone. 

 

Hyungwon took out the camera as he pushed open the door leading out. The view is more than the one the library offered him and its definitely more isolated compare to the other location. The wind blows gently against his bare skin and its soothing the dark sky in him. 

 

Hyungwon loves it. 

 

He went towards the bench, placing his bag down. Hyungwon proceed to took the pictures he possibly will use for his works. After awhile, Hyungwon sat down on the bench again, checking the pictures he just took. 

 

"We meet again at such an unlike place" 

 

Hyungwon scrunched his nose and looked up. Taking awhile before he finally grasp the whole situation. 

 

_Fuck, angel look like this right?_

 

Hoseok is looking down on Hyungwon as he stand before him, smiling rather brilliantly. His features soften by the glistening sunrays. 

 

"Hoseok..." His voice trails off as the war started again, filling every cracks with the image of the drawings. 

 

"I can feel that you really hate the crowd, why?" He asked so softly that Hyungwon felt like melting despite the question is absurd. 

 

"Aren't you part of that crowd too Hoseok?" Hyungwon challenge, avoiding eye contact as he fiddle with the camera. 

 

"No, I hate it too. I love being alone but I kind of preferred having to be alone with someone these days. Probably you... I don't even know why" 

 

"I have a war inside me, being around people make the war goes even more intense. Its suffocating, like I'm being filled gradually by the ocean. But simply saying, people stare at me too much and I don't know why people stare but you are welcome to spend your time alone with me" Hyungwon couldn't quite listen to what he was babbling to Hoseok as his heartbeat takes its pace. He just pray that he didn't say anything that will hurt the man before him. 

 

_Fuck, this escalated quick. Hes going to abandon your mental ass. Why are you telling something personal like that towards Shin Hoseok?_ _Even offering comforts, dumbass._

 

Hyungwon could hear the latter soft laughs before he can feel arms embracing him. Pulling him closer and Hyungwon face pressed against the toned chest. 

 

"Fuck my life" Hyungwon mutter as he wrapped his arms around Hoseok's waist. He always love the feeling of being hug, it gives him the sense of warmth as well as security and he knew if the hugs are meaningful or not. 

 

"Calm down Hyungwon, take a deep breath. Its only me here, its just us" Hoseok says, voice laced with warmth and it scare Hyungwon. 

 

_What are you going to do when he leave Hyungwon? Don't give yourself like this, consequences exists. You're just torturing yourself by finding comforts in others. Didn't you learn your lesson already?_

 

Hyungwon tightened his arms around Hoseok, burying his face in his embrace. Basking in the other man smell, his sweet candy like perfume. 

 

_Let's just stay like this for a moment, that's all I'm asking for. If he's going to leave then at least this will do._

 

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this really... I can leave if you want to" Hyungwon quickly regained his composure for awhile after being in Hoseok arms for few minutes. He pulled away but Hoseok keep his hands on Hyungwon shoulder. Keeping the latter in place. 

 

"No, stay here with me. Do you have class to attend?" Hoseok asked, taking the empty space beside Hyungwon. Way to close that Hyungwon feel like seeing angel in high definition screen. But the desperation is vivid in his voice and Hyungwon doesn't have the heart to turn it down. 

 

Hyungwon shake his head as his last class is canceled and following after will be his free personal study period. "I'm free until afternoon" 

 

The two of them remain seated, Hoseok hand move along Hyungwon arm and he intertwined their fingers together. Which makes Hyungwon wanted to just combust into oblivion.

 

_What kind of drama is this... Whats all with this skinship Hoseok? Fuck, It'll definitely going to leave a bigger crack this time._

 

"I hope you don't mind..." Hoseok sheepishly utter, rubbing his thumb against Hyungwon hand. 

 

Hyungwon always love such gesture and currently the man beside him doing exactly that. 

 

Hyungwon just want to scream _'do whatever you want'_ at Hoseok but he can only afford to smile and nodded. 

 

The wind blowing gently and the war gradually subside. Hyungwon can feel the calm ocean coming back. 

 

"Does the war started when I'm around?" Hoseok asked, looking over to Hyungwon. 

 

"No, you toned down the war and filled me up with warmth, you make me see the beautiful sky" Hyungwon blurts, looking down on their intertwined hands. 

 

"Will it be a bother if we could spend time like this? I really love being around you, I love being alone but I want to spend it with you as much as I can. You do your things while I do mine" Hoseok proposed and Hyungwon nodded. Finally fixing his gaze on Hoseok. 

 

"Which face was this? First, second or third?" Hyungwon questioned out of the blue and Hoseok smile at him. A beautiful yet sad smile.

 

"Which one do you think it is?" 

 

There it was again, _the ocean_. The one Hyungwon had witness the first time. As if the bruises and wounds just magically appear and show itself to Hyungwon. 

 

Hyungwon reached out and placed his free hand against Hoseok neck. Caressing his neck with his thumb. "The third, will you be fine with me seeing this?" 

  
"I'm seeing your third face too wasn't I?"

Hyungwon looked away, nodding in response.

"I know, you've seen my drawings. You saw the void the other day in me even without the drawings Hyungwon. I'm glad you didn't go around throwing my soul and stepping on it the moment you find my weakness when you open that sketchbook of mine" Hoseok calmly utter and Hyungwon as if on alert, heart start taking its pace.

_Shit, you're done for Hyungwon. He must be devastated! You're hopeless Hyungwon... Why don't you just drink that watercolor water and be poisoned or something?_

 

Hyungwon was going to pull his hand which was on Hoseok neck but the latter caught on. "No, listen to me Hyungwon, no, I'm not mad at you at all. I know thats probably what you're thinking right now but you don't know how I actually felt about that" Hoseok frantically utter, making sure Hyungwon listening to him. 

 

Hyungwon takes a deep breath a few times, if he's going to get confronted by Hoseok he wished to listen to every words he said to him. 

 

"I'm really sorry Hoseok, I didn't meant to look through your sketchbook. I'm just curious... I thought you'll never know" Hyungwon meekly utter, head hung low. 

 

A smile inch on Hoseok face, a genuine one. He forced Hyungwon to look at him. "The fact you can read everything on those drawings, not everyone can do that. Fuck, nobody did except you. I want to know about you, so please don't leave me Hyungwon. Would you let me pass through those wall?" 

  
_Hyungwon... What did you do in your past life? Hoseok just begged you not to leave him. Shin Hoseok did just that, to you who is a speck of dust in the universe, Snap out of it! Take this chances to see the void, to help him out. Be the fucking bandage you thought of earlier on._

"Do I look like one to say goodbye first?" Hyungwon nonchalantly asked, sounding mean even to himself. "I'm fucking scare Hoseok, people leave all damn time when I made mistake. What if you'll leave me too?" He quickly adds, turning away from Hoseok, face in his palms.

"I wouldn't leave you Hyungwon, I promise. I just hope you wouldn't leave too when you see the void within me" Hoseok says and Hyungwon can feels the emotions seeping out of Hoseok as he placed his hand on the back of Hyungwon neck. Massaging them gently as if to help loosen up his nerves. "I hope you'll see how _invaluable_ I am and still decide to stay by my side. The ocean is so lonely Hyungwon..."

Hyungwon glance over his shoulder towards Hoseok and noticed the tears coursing down silently on his cheeks. "Fuck Hoseok, I'm sorry. I won't leave you like ever. You can do whatever you want on me just... stop hurting" Hyungwon frantically say, moving closer to Hoseok. Pulling him into his arms. Wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

Hoseok leans his head against Hyungwon shoulder, Hyungwon can feel his breath against his skin and the tears soaking his shirt.

"I'm a fucking mess Hyungwon, see this? You've already see these thing twice. It's like the wall just collapsed whenever I'm alone with you. I know you wouldn't judge but its surreal for me and it scare me too" Hoseok mumbles, placing his arms around Hyungwon. Pulling Hyungwon closer to him as if not allowing even air to be between their bodies. "I know I can be myself around you but please reassure me that I can do it with you, my soul was so beaten its exhausted to keep the pretense with you when you know so much already"

Hyungwon caressed Hoseok hair, trying to soothe him. "Hoseok, just be yourself... Show me everything, share the burden on your shoulder with me. Pour your feelings out on me, let me be there with you on the ocean. Let me see the real you, I would not leave you Hoseok...ever"

Hoseok pulled away and at the moment the soft lips pressed against Hyungwon's.

_Hyungwon swears, they were infinite._

 

•••

 

_Shin Hoseok, the beautiful but destructive soul. I never knew seeing the content of your small sketchbook give me such_ _privilege_ _to witness the depth of your soul._

 

_Hoseok, the void is so tempting and comforting for you as you've been in there for too long. You let your soul wander for way too long that it get used to the void, leaving suddenly get crossed out of your choice._

 

_So take the rope I'm putting down for you, hold on to it cause I'll be waiting until you're ready for me to pull you out of the void._

 

_Cause maybe, maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me and I'll be the one to save you._

 

_Don't give up on me Hoseok. Ever._ _And I won't give up on you._

 

_\- Chae Hyungwon._

 


	4. 03

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Thank you for letting me know that I still have something to look forward to in this world Hyungwon'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Suggested song to listen to:  
> Serenade in E by Yiruma as you read on this]
> 
> What depicted here may be different than what most people experience as everything based upon my own or stuffs closer to me. Regardless, I appreciate the time you give to read this.
> 
> I hope you'll have a good time with Human error. 
> 
> ♡ ♡ ♡
> 
> We all have our own human error, wasn't it?

 

The alarm sounded so loud beside him, waking him up instantly.

Hoseok groan, looking up the ceiling he can't help but already feel exhausted before the day even started. He wished to sleep more, he should have sleep in early instead of entertaining the devil that is his emotions at the dead of the night.

He pulled the blanket over his head, trying so hard to get out of the bed until the soft knocks on his door force him to step out.

"I'm awake" He said aloud and only then the knocks stopped. Hoseok sighed audibly.

 

_Another day of getting yourself torture, pretending life is good and everything is in order. Such is your life Hoseok._

 

Hoseok sits on his bed for the longest time, thinking if he really need education to live his life even considering to be a stripper at some point when his frustration went beyond his logic. He was content for what he already have and he seems so selfish if wanting for more.

Mornings always make him sort out his life. After what feel like forever Hoseok stepped in the shower and forced-start his day. The cycle restarted every new day and ends when the sun set. While at the dead of the night is when Hoseok would feel his real self just filled every space of his life and its heartbreaking even for him to handle his own self.

Staying under the shower for long help a lot, giving him the sense that the water going over his body will wash away everything. Soothing the bruised, wounds and washing away the blood that seeping through on his soul.

 

_Fuck, you're so beaten Hoseok. Why you keep on letting them do this to you? You gained nothing and only keep losing parts of yourself._

 

"This is all I can do for them... I know nothing other than this. If I don't do this, what will become of me? I serve this purpose" Hoseok mutter to himself, feeling the ocean early in the morning. Not even the bird sings yet his depressed self already want to start another episode.

He turned off the shower and proceed to get dressed, today just like usual, he wear black again. All black always complement his appearance, people assume hes just being stylish but truthfully, wearing dark colors soothe him and he's not wearing them just for the sake of style.

Hoseok grabbed his phone and bag before stepping out of his room. Walking towards the dining table, there's simple breakfast his mother had made. Probably extra food from the food she usually sell at the convenience store.

Hoseok always grateful for such small things in life, his mother always leave some food for him even though he's a picker eater whom usually inhaled ramen when starving.

"Your father is already outside," his mother utter as soon as she comes back into the kitchen.

 

"Yes, I will get going now" Hoseok utter, putting on his shoe he went outside.

 

The university is located further away from his home, walking there will be out of his option and he yet to get his driving license. Public transport is never his options, he didn't know how it works let alone Kihyun and Hyunwoo, whom just the same like him. The three of them are hopeless, all they did in life is study and think about the future.

Which is ironic, given Hoseok hated studying so much but its the only thing he could do. To pay back his parents, to at least compensate the fact that their son is such a mentally fucked up person.

They relied on him, Hoseok never asked for things. Even if he did, he never gets them. Which make him turn into doing small part time job at their local bakery shop just to give himself the luxury his parents can never afford to give.

Working part time job added up to his exhaustion. Hoseok needed the financial to pay for his study too. How the university just sometimes asked for large amount of money unannounced making Hoseok life a living hell.

He needed to give the money to his parents as well to help sustain their life. Sometimes it frustrate him how some of his classmates have such luxurious life yet they waste it like it mean nothing to them. Whereas him, he had to beat himself working just to get that luxury. Going sweat and tears for it.

 

_God is fair Hoseok, He would never put you in a situation you wouldn't be able to handle. There's always reason behind everything that happened._

 

"Is Kihyun coming too?" His father asked, putting off the cigarette with his shoe before slipping into the car.

 

Hoseok joined him on his passenger seat, putting on his seat belt. "Yes, Kihyun and Hyunwoo too"

 

"Alright," he simply said and started the car.

 

One of the thing that Hoseok love are his best friends. Kihyun and Hyunwoo, the three of them had gone through almost everything together. From elementary school to middle and high school, everything is shared and they're like siblings already. And they knew about Hoseok state, as they witnessed it all every time. Yet Hoseok can't help but feel bad over his destructive thoughts he voiced out to the two of them.

_Whom kindly enough to understand and still stays after you show them the void Hoseok._

 

Going to the same university, Kihyun and Hyunwoo also Hoseok, decide they should just carpool and their parents just agree to pay Hoseok's father monthly for it. Their schedule will be adjusted to the latest class they will have and its usually Kihyun whom class will last longer than it should be.

His father was going to turn it all down but as Kihyun and Hyunwoo parents insisted, they just accepted what was given to them. It lessened the burden on Hoseok part.

As the car nearing towards Kihyun and Hyunwoo house, Hoseok didn't forget to inform the cute shortie as well as his manly knight on his arrival and as usual, Kihyun will always be on time whereas Hyunwoo have to deal with his neighbors dog whom constantly terrorising his life.

After all of them in one car, only then the drive towards their university started.

_At least he's not alone going through university._

Hoseok steals a glance at the two beings sitting at the back and he can't help but feel the warmth spreading within him.

 

* * *

 

Hoseok stepped out of his class and amble towards the science building. "That's a good nap" he commented as he had the audacity to actually fall sleep in his Geography class. "Nothing new though" he adds.

Pushing his hair back, trying to be presentable again. Checking his stuffs until he noticed the absence of his small sketchbook.

 

_Fuck, where the fuck did you put it Hoseok? You dumbshit! That sketchbook have too much of everything... Your cover will be blown away if anyone seen it!_

 

The panic spike up in him, Hoseok texted Hyunwoo also Kihyun if they happened to saw his sketchbook when they meet hours ago.

Hoseok went back towards his Geography class if he happened to leave it behind but the devastation hits him stronger than ever when its not even there.

Hoseok tried to recall the last place he actually stay over before he hang out with Kihyun and Hyunwoo.

 

_Hoseok you dumbass! At the library! You freaking leave that personal thing in public space. Lets just hope no one saw it and used it against you._

 

Hoseok frantically run towards the library, he need to find his small sketchbook.

Despite being favor by the crowds, Hoseok enjoy his isolation and he often did it during his personal study period at either on the second floor of the library or at the small garden of the biology department.

Walking passed students, Hoseok can't help but response to people greeting him and even smile at them.

_This is fucking tiring Hoseok._

 

As Hoseok arrived at the entrance of the library, he regained his composure. Taking deep breaths, fixing his attire before stepping in. He greeted few people along the way, making his way towards the second floor but the sight of Hyunwoo make him change lane for a bit.

"Hyunwoo" Hoseok grimace, as he took the empty seat beside the man. He cling onto Hyunwoo immediately despite the presence of another man before him.

 

"Hi Hoseok" he greeted and Hoseok smile a bit before returning his gaze on Hyunwoo.

 

"Whats wrong Hoseok? Did you find your book?" Hyunwoo face furrowed with worried as soon as Hoseok rested his head against his shoulder.

 

"Not yet, I'm going to check upstairs. Please pray for me. I need it to function like a decent human being" Hoseok whine before detaching himself from Hyunwoo.

 

He bid his goodbyes from Hyunwoo and his friend; Minhyuk. He amble towards the steps and climb up.

 _The cello_  started playing, filling his senses as the familiarity of his isolation comes back. Even though he was panicking about his sketchbook _the cello_ still play at the back of his head, accompanied by the soft melody of the piano.

 

_Why the cello sound even more sad this time Hoseok? It is because of the Sketchbook?_

 

Arriving at the second floor, he walk towards the corner where he usually sit. Away from people, away from the world. Only surrounded by the smell of books and tranquility.

But as he steps closer, he saw someone is sitting there. Leaning his back against the bookshelf. Hoseok wanted to bail his plan immediately but thinking about his sketchbook. He needed it so much, he need it to go through the day. Its a reminder of his true self, his third face.

Mustering up all his courage, while also looking around the place if it happen to be anywhere else. He have a peek on the person and it was someone Hoseok didn't expected to meet especially at this part of the library.

 

_Chae Hyungwon?_

 

Hyungwon had his eyes closed, trying to keep his breathing under control as Hoseok noticed it.

Hoseok look over Hyungwon and can't help but be blown away by the beauty of the person before him. Beautiful yet something is odd about Hyungwon. Like he had stories that Hoseok would definitely love to read and understand.

After what feel like forever, Hoseok tapped his shoulder and he can bet Hyungwon is just as surprised as he was minutes ago.

Asking about his sketchbook and apologizing along the way having to interrupt the other man isolation. Only to be greeted back with disappointment when the latter fess that he didn't even see his sketchbook anywhere.

Hoseok ready to breakdown right on the spot but he took a deep breath, pretending to be unaffected but heart heavy thinking about his precious sketchbook.

Hoseok get back on his feet, reminding the latter to inform him if Hyungwon ever find his sketchbook.

 

_Just die Hoseok, you're done for._

 

Hoseok walked away from the spot and this time, only the  _soft piano_  filling up his senses. It's ridiculous even for Hoseok, on how he can heard the imaginary piano playing around him.

But his steps cut short when Hyungwon call his name. Turning around only to be greeted by the sight of his small hope. His sketchbook.

 

 _The cello_  come back, louder than ever.

 

Hoseok walk back towards Hyungwon, almost running with all his might but he need to keep his cool. Crouching down Hoseok took back his sketchbook, smiling genuinely towards Hyungwon.

Listening to Hyungwon talks, Hoseok can't help but feel calm and deep down it scared him. How he just meet the beautiful male and yet he wanted to be vulnerable around him.

"Whats your name?"

 

_What in the world Hoseok? You know his name! Don't act as if you didn't stare at him whenever he pass by the lab._

 

_"Hyungwon, Chae Hyungwon"_

 

Hoseok tried his best to be discreet with Hyungwon, telling that it was a sketchbook and he only draw as hobby when Hyungwon questioned him. Hoseok even apologize as he can't help but noticed that Hyungwon seems uncomfortable talking with him. Even refusing eye contacts.

_Also, probably cause you stare at him too much Hoseok..._

 

_"You didn't, talking with you feel like the midnight walk, quite terrifying yet so calming... I need it"_

 

Hoseok wanted to end the conversation as soon as the words came out of the latter mouth. It dawned on him that Hyungwon had opened his sketchbook and even read his drawings through.

_He saw your sketchbook and the void Hoseok! Warn him before its too late for him._

 

"I hope you're not attracted by the void you saw in me Hyungwon. I know you noticed that" Hoseok could hear himself say but its way too quiet that he convinced himself that Hyungwon wouldn't heard him.

 

Hyungwon quick to bid his farewell to Hoseok and the latter can't help but take it as his cue to leave.

Hoseok bidding his farewell to Hyungwon he didn't failed to remind Hyungwon to greet him if the two of them ever met again and even offering him friendship as he want to read the stories within Hyungwon so bad.

_Hoseok stop it, you sound so desperate..._

 

Getting on his feet to leave, Hoseok contemplating his thoughts as he wanted to write something to Hyungwon but he's not sure what he want to write not until Hyungwon asked him.

Asking him if hes okay and Hoseok just want to look him in the eyes and tell Hyungwon everything. Letting his wall to collapse with every words let slip out of his mouth.

Hoseok tried to smile it off, feign ignorance as he scribble down on the torn paper from his sketchbook.

 

 

> _'It was easier to lie Hyungwon...'_

 

Carefully folding the paper, spatting out lies to comforts the two of them. Hoseok leaned down and placed the paper on Hyungwon sketchbook before walking away without any words.

Hoseok quickened his steps and not forgetting to wave back at Minhyuk passing by him. Hoseok went back to where Hyunwoo was seated whom currently talking to Kihyun who just finished his class. Trying to shake off the uneasy feelings, he joked around with the other two until he caught Hyungwon stepping down along with Minhyuk. Yet again, Hoseok can't help but stare at Hyungwon.

It hits him more when Hyungwon glance back to him and Hoseok promise himself that he would read that stories Hyungwon kept hidden from everyone.

 

* * *

 

 

Its been days, yet Hoseok barely meet Hyungwon. He has been hoping to meet the latter, to greet and have reasons to talk with him.

Hoseok couldn't help but feel as if Hyungwon is avoiding him, avoiding path where they would collide with each other thus human interaction. Which Hoseok knew, not Hyungwon forte.

 

_Maybe he didn't want to be friends with you Hoseok? Ever think of that? You let him see the void within you and look who's turning his back on you now? Normal wasn't it? life is fucked up that way._

 

"Snapped out of it already..." Kihyun chanted aloud as Hoseok had been in trance for awhile.

 

Hoseok shake his head and returned his attention to Kihyun sitting beside him. "What are the chances of me dating Chae Hyungwon?" He abruptly questioned and it got the other male attention.

 

"Are you on drugs or drunk or something?"

 

Hoseok shake his head, "or something" he simply answer.

 

Kihyun groans and leaned back against the chair. Looking around the area before entertaining Hoseok for that matter. Crossing his arms over his chest, Kihyun eyed Hoseok intently.

"I know you're good looking, that a known fact and also, why not I guess?"

 

"You think he would want to date me?" Hoseok nonchalantly asked and Kihyun shrugs.

 

"I wouldn't be surprised if he would. Given his best friend will do so for Hyunwoo in matter of seconds" Kihyun blurts, giving his attention back on the book. Flipping through the pages.

 

"What if he doesn't want to become friends with someone like me?" Hoseok laments, pulling on his hair as his mind raced with million thoughts.

 

Kihyun flipped shut his book and put it back down on the table. Facing Hoseok he pulled the latter hands away from his hair. "You little shit, listen to me... How would you know he doesn't want to become friends with you? You are yet to give it a try and heck, everyone in this school want to befriend you if you aren't so oblivious to it... Just what do you mean by _someone like me_?"

 

Hoseok waved Kihyun dismissively, "You know that already. Should I go to him and just straight up tell him I want to be friend with him?"

 

Kihyun was a little taken aback as far as he knew, Hoseok rarely have any interest on other people as per his internal-void-issue. "Well... If you insist then just approach him. Nothing wrong with that, you know me and Hyunwoo will still be here"

 

"Alright then, I should get going" He utter, packing his books and stationary back into his bag.

 

"Eh? Right now? Ya, how about that homework you wanted to asked me?" Kihyun frantically asked, watching Hoseok walking out of their study area and leaving him behind.

 

"Later, I'll asked you later on." Hoseok wave goodbye at Kihyun before disappearing around the corner.

* * *

 

Hoseok look around the science building in hope to spot the tall male but to no avail, he asked a few of his friends if they ever saw Hyungwon but yet again he met dead ends.

Hoseok sighed as he planned to try again the next day instead, with thought that Hyungwon wouldn't be able to avoid him forever unless he really hated Hoseok for no reason.

Hoseok walked towards his small isolation, the biology department deserted garden. Having drained of energy in finding Hyungwon, he needed to recharge himself so he can keep his strong facade of perfect life going.

The soft melody of piano gradually filling up his senses like the usual, he can feel the comforts welcoming him, embracing him so he doesn't have to pretend that he got his life together. Climbing up the stairs, he carefully pushed open the door only to be greeted by the sole person he had been looking for. Sitting leisurely on the bench, looking through the camera in his hands.

 

_Hyungwon?_

 

Hoseok hurriedly amble towards Hyungwon but he's too immersed in what hes doing to noticed Hoseok. Hoseok took his own sweet time observing Hyungwon, admiring his features.

_Goddess look like this wasn't it?_

 

Hoseok move even more closer to Hyungwon and utter, "We meet again at such an unlike place" he stared down at Hyungwon but when the latter looked back up to him and even calling his name softly, Hoseok fight back the urge to caress Hyungwon, the feeling of wanting to be vulnerable around him.

_Don't scare him now Hoseok, the hell with you and wanting to touch Hyungwon? He might left you here and now._

 

Hyungwon avoided eye-contact with him again, purposely playing with the camera. Hoseok play guess with Hyungwon about this small things he noticed. The fact that he can tell Hyungwon wasn't a fan of the crowd but he can feel his heart drop when Hyungwon stated Hoseok place among the crowd. How he supposed to belong to the crowd.

 

Hoseok wanted to laugh it all off, he hated the crowd just fine. He couldn't find the worth being around too much people. Even his small family took him for granted. He didn't feel loved sometimes and people broke his heart too much for him to belong in the so-called crowd.

How people have the capabilities to hurt others despite they have choices laid before them and they didn't even think twice to hurt him. Hoseok denied Hyungwon's accusation, he wanted to clear it out with Hyungwon.

"No, I hate it too. I love being alone but I kind of preferred having to be alone with someone these days. Probably you... I don't even know why"

 

"I have a war inside me, being around people make the war goes even more intense. Its suffocating, like I'm being filled gradually by the ocean. But simply saying, people stare at me too much and I don't know why people stare but you are welcome to spend your time alone with me" Hyungwon utter and Hoseok didn't failed to noticed the anxiety seething off from Hyungwon.

 

Hoseok let out soft laughs cause he too, obviously stare at Hyungwon too much yet Hyungwon didn't even realized the reason behind it. Hyungwon simply ethereal, if he told Hoseok that he fall from Heaven well, Hoseok would just believe it.

Out of impulse, Hoseok put his arms around Hyungwon. Embracing him closer. He wanted to comfort Hyungwon from his anxiety and words might not do him justice thus, one of the many things he's good at. When he received response from the latter, Hoseok tighten his arms. "Calm down Hyungwon, take a deep breath. Its only me here, its just us"

 

Hyungwon tightened his arms around Hoseok and it only make Hoseok heard  _the Cello_  playing in the background.

 

 _We find comforts in each other, this going to hurt big time Hoseok. What if he can't love you the way you wanted him to? What if he find you worthless as well?_ _Are you prepared to faced the consequences? It will be more severed than the previous one, more filled with blood and bandages when he leave your fucked up self._

 

Hoseok took deep breaths before looking down to the man in his arms. He didn't want to lose Hyungwon again, Hyungwon initiate  _The Cello_  in him too and that alone enough to make Hoseok believe that he needed Hyungwon in his life. Even if they only stay as friends.

When Hyungwon pulled away, apologizing to him it makes Hoseok panicked. He didn't want Hyungwon to leave just yet. Hoseok quickly suggest Hyungwon to stay with him, taking the empty space on the bench beside Hyungwon. Which Hyungwon agreed to it.

When Hyungwon softens and seems more relaxed the two of them sit in silence. Hoseok eyed Hyungwon hand close to him and he intertwined their fingers together. His ulterior motif? Unknown to him either, he just wanted to hold Hyungwon hands. He was pretty known among his circle--Hyunwoo and Kihyun-- for holding hands at random times. Hoseok didn't forget to asked Hyungwon in regards and the latter was okay with it.

 

After sitting for awhile with hands in each other embrace, Hoseok was reminded on  _The War_ that Hyungwon blurts to him earlier on,

"Does  _The war_  started when I'm around?"

 

"No, you toned down the war and filled me up with warmth, you make me see the beautiful sky"

 

Hoseok was flooded with relief that he didn't initiated any wars within Hyungwon and he took the opportunity to let Hyungwon know of his initial plan hours ago. He wanted Hyungwon around but if the latter didn't agree to it, he would respect it nonetheless.

"Will it be a bother if we could spend time like this? I really love being around you, I love being alone but I want to spend it with you as much as I can. You do your things while I do mine"

 

With that being said, Hyungwon finally make eye-contact with Hoseok after avoiding from doing so for awhile. There it is again, the vast ocean full with something Hoseok been curious to seek. He finally have closer look, _like they say the window to the soul is through one's eyes_ and Hyungwon is such a delicate soul, Hoseok wanted to protect it and shower it with things he could offer.

"Which face was this? First, second or third?"

 

Hoseok can't help but smile, he knew so well what Hyungwon was talking about. And Hyungwon knew the answer to it as well. Hoseok doesn't have to answer it, Hyungwon had seen beyond his soul through the soul-platted small sketchbook of his. Doesn't take Hoseok long to realized that Hyungwon had looked into it.

The moment Hyungwon reached out to caress his neck, Hoseok can feel it. The words he always plastered on his drawings. Hyungwon currently running his fingers against it and Hoseok could only be grateful that the latter didn't throw him away already.

 

When Hoseok let Hyungwon knows about the sketchbook incident, he can see the terror out of him as he pulled his hand away but Hoseok quick to hold on to it. Forcing Hyungwon to look back at him so he can let Hyungwon know his thoughts sound and clear. He didn't want Hyungwon to abandoned him after all.

"The fact you can read everything on those drawings, not everyone can do that. Fuck, nobody did except you. I want to know about you, so please don't leave me Hyungwon. Would you let me pass through those wall?"

 

_'Do I look like one to say goodbye first?'_

_'I'm fucking scare Hoseok, people leave all damn time when I made mistake. What if you'll leave me too?'_

 

Hoseok could hear the sad melody of the piano, the two of them are broken in different way yet Hoseok feel like he delve into the ocean deeper than he already did and all he ever pray for is that Hyungwon wouldn't leave cause he knows so well...  _He wouldn't do that no matter how wronged he was treated._

"I hope you'll see how  _invaluable_  I am and still decide to stay by my side. The ocean is so lonely Hyungwon..."

 

Hoseok can feel how everything he suppressed come back hitting at him. All of a sudden, he shed tears which he never intend to show to anyone ever but here he is, crying for the first time in front of someone. And its Hyungwon.

Hoseok couldn't hear much to what Hyungwon was saying to him but he can feel the latter placing his arms around him and even wiping away his tears.

Hoseok rest his head against Hyungwon shoulder. Placing his arms around Hyungwon and pulling him closer as if he needed the warmth to soothe his pain.

Hoseok rambles out at Hyungwon, he couldn't think much on his choice of words. He just let it all out, desperately wanting the pain to just end.

 

"Hoseok, just be yourself... Show me everything, share the burden on your shoulder with me. Pour your feelings out on me, let me be there with you on the ocean. Let me see the real you, I would not leave you Hoseok... ever"

 

Hoseok pulled away and he yet again acted on impulse, letting his feelings drive him to do things beyond his own reasonings. He leaned closer and pressed his lips against Hyungwon.

 _In that very moment,_  
_Hoseok knew he just let Hyungwon joined him and let him have a taste of the ocean he was drowning in._

 

**•••**

 

Hoseok gaze out the window of his bedroom. Looking at the stars on the night sky, he looked down on his new drawing; a drawing of a man picking up broken pieces of himself. Body still bruised, weeping hard and above all of that, he was embraced by someone from behind.

  
_Hoseok is picking up his broken pieces and Hyungwon is putting him back together._

_'Thank you for letting me know that I still have something to look forward to in this world Hyungwon'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming here and reading this if you are. I appreciate the time you spent reading another story of mine, it means a lot to me. ♡ ♡
> 
>  
> 
> All the drawing and paintings mentioned in the story will be posted in future chapter (or rather spontaneously on twt), just so you'll have clear idea of it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for giving it much love, be it just reading this, kudos or comment. Feel free to talk to me on my Twitter or Wattpad about our Human Error ♡


	5. The Japanese

_The Japanese say you have three faces._

 

_The_ **_first_ ** _face, the one you show to the world._

 

_The_ **_second_ ** _face, the one you show to your close friends and your family._

 

_Lastly, the_ **_third_ ** _face. The one you never show anyone. Where it is the truest reflection of who you truly are._

 

_•_   
_•_   
_•_

> _Whereas for our human error here, they are showing each other their third face. The one they never intend to show anyone but both stumble before each other and choose to remain using the third faces in each other presence as to stay true to oneself._
> 
> _"You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, someone not everyone knows how to love"_
> 
> _-Warsan Shire_

_•_   
_•_   
_•_

_I hope this shall clarify the behind story of when Hyungwon questioned Hoseok face before him. I stumbled across such words way back then_ _(maybe some of you haven't so I'm clarifying)_ _and I can't help but agree to it. Let's be real, theres some truths in those words you read online, those quotes and poems... They are other people feelings they willing to put in display, maybe to let you know..._

**_That you're not alone in the suffering._ **


	6. 04:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have such a beautiful soul Hoseok, I want you to know that... I'll help you get out of those depths..."

"Am I dead or something? Or this is some visual disturbance? Glitch in time?" Minhyuk questioned aloud, pinching his own cheeks only to find he's indeed in reality when it hurts.

Stepping into the studio minutes ago, singing aloud only to be interrupted by the sight he was greeted by.

Shin Hoseok sitting down on his chair, looking like a whole five course meal. Appearing ethereal with the sun rays shining over him on the right places. Making him unbelievably out of this world.

Minhyuk look around as he was indeed alone and theres no sign of Hyungwon whom had told him that he would be in the studio.

"Shin Hoseok?" He whispers, racking his hair. Keeping his distance despite everything, afraid that hes imagining on things. "Why would Shin Hoseok be in this studio even sitting on my chair? Fuck you Hyungwon the heck you've done to me?"

Hoseok in the other hand whom been  watching the other man having some invisible battle with his sanity before him find the whole situation hilarious.

He remain silent for the whole time before breaking the man reverie. "We've meet before right?" Hoseok asked and it make Minhyuk back off immediately.

"Fuck he talks now, this is a whole new level hallucination. Minhyuk, did you accidentally inhale something on your way here?" Minhyuk talks to himself again and Hoseok tried his best to hold his laughter. "We do, though you kind of give me half-assed greetings back then" he added.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I didn't meant to appear rude to you. My mind probably somewhere that time.." Hoseok carefully replied, running his fingers against his hair. Making the male before him losing every sanity he kept whenever he found someone as attractive as Hoseok.

Minhyuk took a deep breath before looking away from Hoseok. Calming his erratic heartbeat and ignoring the inappropriate gay thoughts passing through his conscious. "Don't jump him Min, he's here to apologize to you even though in the form of hallucination.." Minhyuk chanted to himself. 

"Okay enough with that,  I see you have way too much fun already Hoseok. Meet Minhyuk, my best buddy whom apparently have you in his gay list" Hyungwon said aloud, getting a sip of his coffee as he amble and stand beside Minhyuk whom just exposed his own self to Hoseok. Hyungwon spare him a glance and can't help but smirk in pure satisfaction. 

Hoseok chuckles and get on his feet, "I take that as a compliment. Nice meeting you without Hyunwoo Minhyuk, as you already know too well, I'm Shin Hoseok" Hoseok grinned, extending his hand for a handshake which the eager male before didn't even give seconds to shake it back. 

"Lee Minhyuk, help me date Hyunwoo" Minhyuk blurts and that cost him a hit on his bicep from Hyungwon. "I'm just joking but if you can, just help me anyhow"

"I'll help as much as I can with that, Hyunwoo is hard to win sometimes" Hoseok glance over at Hyungwon and can't help but smile warmly towards him. 

Minhyuk reached out to Hyungwon, gripping on his wrist. "Hyungwon, can I have a word with you? Like at the back maybe?" he utter and Hoseok gestured them that he allowed them to leave him for awhile to finish any business. Hyungwon give Hoseok his coffee before he left the man alone in their studio. 

Pulling Hyungwon towards the back of the studio Minhyuk becoming more impatient whereas Hyungwon mentally prepare himself and already building walls before the war started. 

He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms before Minhyuk. 

"Is that Shin Hoseok I'm talking to just now? How do you even---"

"Get him?" Hyungwon cut Minhyuk off and the latter nodded, narrowing his eyes towards Hyungwon. 

_Well, lets start with that you found his sketchbook, having a five meal course consists of his soul and thoughts just from it. Having a walk through the void with him, drowning in the ocean and falling deeper each time. Degrading and abolishing each other walls and to topped all that, you and Hoseok become infinite once. Is definitely something to be keep to yourself Chae Hyungwon._

"I kind of talk to him the other day on the library, remember that time I need my human space and I run off upstairs? Yeah, we meet there and we decide to talk..." Hyungwon spews, looking away from Minhyuk. Rubbing the back of his neck and Minhyuk bridge the distance between them. 

"You're obviously lying there but lets just say I'm buying all these..." 

"I'm not, you could ask him on that if you don't believe me..." Hyungwon brushed Minhyuk off as he stepped back inside with Minhyuk following suits from behind. 

"Did you draw this Hyungwon?" Hoseok questioned as soon as Hyungwon and Minhyuk stepped back in the studio. "It's really beautiful and I love it..." he complimented and Hyungwon notice the tinge of sadness that laced his words because its the paintings Hyungwon been working on, human filled with ocean. Where his feelings lies and it coexist with the void he saw in Hoseok. 

Hyungwon walk closer and placed his arm around Hoseok shoulder, smiling warmly towards the latter and back to his paintings. "It is, I filled it with something that only you could read it accurately" 

"Hyungwon, it's too sad though" Hoseok comment, "You sure want others to see this?"

Hyungwon nodded, "No one able to interpret the real meaning beside you Hoseok. People assume its for the aesthetic only so I can live with that assumption"

"For the record there I can read them just fine but oh well, you didn't heard me" Minhyuk interrupted as he take his seat and start preparing his materials.

"Oh suddenly my ears have problem hearing Lee Minhyuk speaking... Try again next time maybe" Hyungwon sarcastically utter, feigning ignorance where in honesty... Hes terrified. Terrified like he always do since other than Hoseok, its Minhyuk who can interpret his paintings accurately.

"Wow, I feel sorry you have trouble hearing. Poor face, being handsome is not all there is I supposed, god is fair" Minhyuk sarcastically utter, "Thats shall make me the top one" he adds.

"Oh please, you're always bottom when you get the chances." Hyungwon declared and Hoseok almost choked on air. Minhyuk only hit Hyungwon in returned, gritting his teeth.

"Guys seriously that's freaking inappropriate to say in front of your guest here. Come on, don't scare out the straight man" Jooheon cuts in as he amble straight to Hoseok. Shaking his hand in the process. "Nice to meet you Changkyun friend, I'm Jooheon. The normal one here"

Hoseok hastily shake his hand back and utter his name again. "I'm pretty sure my sexuality was disclose by Kihyun to almost all the students here. That dude really love gossiping about me somehow"

"Wow, and you're okay with that?" Hyungwon challenge and Hoseok nodded.

"For the record this man is Bi, see even I know about this" Minhyuk blurts proudly. "Can I date you?" He nonchalantly joked which make Jooheon hit his arm.

"Stop that really" Jooheon warn, making sure Hoseok is a distance away from Minhyuk. "Lee Minhyuk is definitely the gay man you should avoid by all cost Hoseok, Seriously, He's on another level"

"Jooheon you know well enough that I will choose you over Hoseok right?" Minhyuk teased, "Come here baby and give me a kiss" he cute pouts his lips towards Jooheon.

Jooheon scrunched his face and stay behind Hoseok. "Lee Minhyuk, stay away from me. And spare me. I think Hoseok will be more than willing to be kissed in my place right dude?"

Hoseok flustered face become evidence which just fuel up Minhyuk confidence. Minhyuk got up from his seat but quickly stop when Hyungwon stand in front of him. Hand on Minhyuk chest, "No one is kissing my gay fantasy. Go find your own boy"

"Well, we share that fantasy too Hyungwon" Minhyuk challenge, caressing Hyungwon hair.

Hyungwon chuckles, he leaned foward and briefly kiss Minhyuk right cheek. "No baby boy, He's exclusively mine. I don't share my throne"

Jooheon and Hoseok watch the whole drama in pure shock. "Did Hyungwon just kissed Minhyuk cheek? They did that a lot wasn't it?" Hoseok questioned to Jooheon behind him.

"This is normal for me, I'm just shocked over the fact they didn't hide this even with you being here..." Jooheon says, still looking the two man conversing in language he rather not understand. "Nobody own Hoseok okay? Hoseok belong to himself." Jooheon declare and only then two turned to them.

"Sorry about that Hoseok, we're just practicing" Hyungwon quickly utter, grinning at Hoseok.

"Practice for what actually?!" Jooheon grumble.

"For the day when theres only the three of us left in this world and we had to fight for our man" Minhyuk simply utter before getting back to his own painting.

Hoseok was robbed of speech, Jooheon patted his shoulder. "Now you understand why I said I'm the normal ones right?"

* * *

 

"How was your biology class?" Hyungwon questioned out of curiosity. Stealing glances at Hoseok lying down beside him, head resting on Hyungwon laps.

The two decide to spend time together on Hoseok isolation spot instead of the library. After the studio drama, both Hoseok and Hyungwon leave for a little time with themselves.

"I hate it like the usual. I hate studying to be honest, Sucks big time" Hoseok replied, looking out to the sky.

"You hate studying yet you're one of the honor student? What kind of hate is that actually. I need one" Hyungwon utter, laughing over the absurdness of the situation.

He hates studying but hes still on the average level other than his art subject which a must for excellent score to him.

"Well, you're going to hate this too if you study it. Everything is hard-earned and its tiring to keep it that way" Hoseok laments, raising his hands towards the sky. "Sometimes... I just want to go very far from here..."

"I hate studying as it is already..." Hyungwon voice trails off, "Don't leave me Hoseok..." He softly adds.

"I won't leave you... If ever, I'm bringing you along with me... Would you come?"

"Sweet runaway?" Hyungwon joked, holding onto Hoseok hand. "Sounds cool to me..."

Hoseok lets out soft laughs, "We could get marry along the way. So we can become life mate throughout our journey"

Hyungwon can't help but smile at Hoseok nonchalant suggestions. "I'm fine with that, I'll make sure to be the best husband you'll have. Also I can't really cook, would you be fine marrying me?"

"You can cook ramen right?" Hoseok looks up and Hyungwon nodded. "Then its settle. I'm marrying you, don't look for girls out there"

Hyungwon snorted, crossing his arms as he gives Hoseok looks. "I'm sorry but its you the bi one here, not me sir. I'm pretty much in the fabulous gay world, is this how you're proposing me?"

"Well... I'm not going to date girls, do you want to go out with me though?" Hoseok sincerely asked, glancing at Hyungwon despite his position.

Hyungwon look down at Hoseok, he can feel his heartbeat taking its pace. Staring at Hoseok for too long for Hoseok's patience.

"Think about it, then you can tell me when you're ready. Since I'll always be here..." Hoseok looked away, closing his eyes. "If you think I'm joking then sorry to break it to you, I'm not. I'm really serious"

"Hoseok..." Hyungwon voice trails off, as he reached out to caress Hoseok hair.

 _He's offering you the comfort you longed for Hyungwon, dating him means he trust you enough that he will allow you to hurt him which you shouldn't take advantage over. But the war within yourself will be the most painful, the most brutal and full with casualty... If he ever leaves... Which somehow will happen the moment you make mistakes in your fucking life with him._ _You'll also ruin him like you did with Jin back then.... Lesson wasn't learn dumbass?_

"I'm fine with it but what about you?" Hyungwon quietly asked, still fixing his gaze on Hoseok. Trying to brush off his other conscious.

"What about me?"

"You're like the eye candy of everyone in this school... What if you're going to lose your people and got some hate for dating me?"

Hoseok immediately sit up and sit closer to Hyungwon. "I don't care about them. They can hate me but eventually they will give in to the fact I'm dating you. It's not like I need their permission to date anyone at all."

"I know, I just don't want to ruin your life by being with me" Hyungwon mutter, fiddling with his fingers to distract his thoughts. "I've ruined someone life before so I don't want to drag you down that way..."

"Look at me" he demands and Hyungwon looked up. "I'm already like this Hyungwon, it's okay. We can make this work without hurting each other. We need to always be honest, speaks our feelings and worries. I'm not rushing you, give it some thoughts"

"I'm just scare for you, not for myself."

"I know but promise me you're going to at least try?" Hoseok reached out, caressing Hyungwon face. "I'll try my best if you agree but I'll still be here as well if you decline"

"Thank you so much for that really... This is so cliche but my ugly heart love this shit too much" Hyungwon chuckles, covering his face from Hoseok.

Hoseok smile at the sound of Hyungwon laughter. His piano at the background just became louder with Hyungwon around. "No matter how cliche, we can still do this every damn time if you wanted to. Maybe you watch drama too much?"

"Minhyuk always bring me to watch dramas. It just make my standard in man become higher," Hyungwon groans, leaning his head against Hoseok shoulder.

"Whose your favorite actor now?"

"None of your business sir but just saying, its Jisoo"

"Whose more good looking? Me or him?" Hoseok challenge and Hyungwon can sense the jealousy. Making him want to pinch his cheeks.

"Since Jisoo not here, its you" Hyungwon grinned, wrapping his arms around Hoseok. "You're the best"

"Am I now?" Hoseok smirked, gazing at Hyungwon endearingly.

Hyungwon nodded, sticking his tongue out. "Maybe not, on the second thought, Jisoo the best" 

Hoseok wrapped his arm around Hyungwon neck, pulling him closer. Making Hyungwon yelps, hitting Hoseok body repeatedly. "Let go of me! Ya! Is this how you're treating your future husband?" 

"Say I'm the best, come on" Hoseok demands and it only make Hyungwon groans. Trying his best to escape from Hoseok arm. 

"This darn human, yes you're the best ever. I love Hoseokie" Hyungwon said aloud and only then Hoseok freed him. Hyungwon hastily fix his hair, making faces at Hoseok. 

_You know that's true Hyungwon, Hoseok is the only person that you fucking care in matter of day. Even Minhyuk took week to get through to you... Just how special Hoseok is to you actually..._

Hoseok stare at Hyungwon as he fix his attire, "Stop staring really, can you at least be less obvious? Even when I'm not looking I know you're staring, am I that fascinating?" Hyungwon turned to Hoseok. 

A smile inch on Hoseok face and it makes Hyungwon raised his eyebrows in questioning manner. "Is there something on my face?" 

Hoseok shake his head, still gazing and smiling at Hyungwon. "You're truly ethereal Hyungwon, I feel like you're not from this world at all and I just want to keep touching you... is that too much?" 

Hyungwon pushed the latter away, feeling the blush creeping on his face. "Yes, too much for my heart. Go to your class now, you're going to be late" 

Hoseok let out soft laughs, getting on his feet. Putting on his backpack, he stand in front Hyungwon. "Anything to say to me before I go?" 

"Actually I do" Hyungwon fished out the doddle he intend to give to Hoseok the other day out of his bag. He took it out and extend it to Hoseok. "I doddle that the day I saw your drawings... Sorry about that again" 

Hoseok took the drawing and stare at it without uttering any words. The doddle is similar to the painting Hyungwon was working on back at his studio. It represent Hoseok and Hyungwon world colliding into each other. 

"I'm sor---" Hyungwon tried to say but Hoseok cut him short as he leaned down and kiss his temple. 

"It's lovely Hyungwon, don't worry about it. I love it a lot, thank you so much... no one has ever give me their drawing..." he says, still fixing his gaze on the drawing. 

Hyungwon took his bag and pulled Hoseok with him towards the exit, interrupting Hoseok moment with his drawing. "Before we both got scold over, let's go to our classes shall we?"

Hoseok hold onto the drawing as they climb down the stair, he wanted to stare at the drawing again. He glance at Hyungwon and can't help yet again smile at him. 

_Damn you're so in love with Hyungwon Hoseok ah... You love playing with fire so much aren't you?_

"Well, My class is over there. It's time to part ways. You go ahead, don't forget to texts me up okay?" Hyungwon patted Hoseok back as he pushed him towards the opposite direction. Hoseok glance over his shoulder to Hyungwon but the latter wave him dismissively. "Go, stop trying to kiss me for no reason at all. It's not good for my heart" he adds which make Hoseok laughed. 

Hoseok bid his goodbyes before walking away for real from Hyungwon. He finally have the moment alone with Hyungwon drawing. He flipped the other side of the drawing and finally see the words Hyungwon had left for him...

> _The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths._  
>  _-_ **_Elisabeth Kubler-Ross_ **

_"You have such a beautiful soul Hoseok, I want you to know that... I'll help you get out of those depths..."_  Hyungwon mutter, watching Hoseok disappear around the corner before he too, leave their isolation for his next class.


End file.
